How to navigate racist encounters while nannying
Racism is never acceptable. You know this, and we know this. However, in one of our community support groups recently, a few of our nannies mentioned that they have faced inappropriate remarks or behavior from strangers while caring for children that were rooted in racism. Such encounters can feel unsettling, scary, and emotionally draining, and these caregivers turned to us as their nanny agency for resources regarding how to handle such situations if they arise.
As a professional caregiver, you deserve respect and safety, and for that reason we want to share these resources with you as well, exploring strategies for handling these situations calmly, keeping everyone safe, and addressing concerns with both children and parents.
Step 1: Staying safe and composed in the moment
When unexpected comments or taunts arise, your first priority is the safety of yourself and the kids in your care. While it’s painful and disheartening to face racist remarks, focusing on de-escalation and minimizing risk can help keep everyone involved out of harm’s way.
Non-confrontational responses
Often, the best response is simply to not respond at all and leave the situation. Most of the time, that will be enough to disengage the other person and end the interaction.
Otherwise, remain non-confrontational. Here are a few things you can do:
Keep your distance: If someone approaches you or the children, maintain physical space. If necessary, position yourself so you have a clear path to leave.
Use a calm, neutral tone: Respond with brief, non-committal phrases (“Excuse us, we’re leaving now,”) and avoid engaging with hateful statements.
Leave the area if necessary: If the situation feels threatening or persistent, move to a more populated, safe space—like stepping inside a store or approaching someone in a professional capacity, such as a security guard. If you are in a playground, or other area with families, move yourself and the children closer to other adults – parents and nannies will protect each other.
If the situation escalates to a point where you will need to report it, document what is going on as needed, but always keep the safety of yourself and the children as the top priority.
Your response informs the kids’ response
You may need to reassure the kiddos. Keep your voice and composure calm. A gentle “Everything’s okay, let’s keep going” can help reduce their anxiety. Even if they don’t fully understand what’s happening, your composure will guide their reaction.
Talking to the kids about the incident
After the fact, the kiddos in your care may have questions or feel unsettled after witnessing or being involved in a tense situation, even one that didn’t escalate. It’s important to acknowledge their feelings and help them feel safe, as well as to acknowledge that you may be dealing with tough feelings of your own.
Keep it simple and age-appropriate
Validate their feelings: Let them know it’s okay to feel confused, scared, or upset.
Explain in terms they understand: “That person said something hurtful and untrue. Sometimes people say mean things, but it’s not okay.” You can tie it in to other times you’ve talked about being a good friend or when they were hurt by something someone said.
Emphasize safety: Reassure them that you are there to protect them and that they can always talk to you if they feel worried.
Always inform the parents
After ensuring everyone’s safety, share what happened with the parents.
For a smaller incident that did not feel threatening, the best time to do it might be at the end of your shift when they return. For something that has escalated, or if the kids (or you) are having a strong reaction, you may want to inform them as soon as you’ve gotten everyone out of the situation.
Regardless, if something happened that the kids might need to talk about, they’ll want to know about it.
Be honest and clear in explaining the situation and how you responded
Talk about how the kiddos reacted and what you did to reassure them or what you may have explained to them
If necessary or relevant, suggest shifting routines or locations to reduce the chances of similar encounters
Ask the parents how they would like you to respond in case of future such incidents, so that your response is aligned with the parents; the incident may warrant a conversation about racism in the family for instance, and it’s helpful to know what the kids have been told
Seeking support and moving forward
Experiencing or witnessing racism is emotionally taxing. You deserve understanding, support, and resources that help you process these events.
Focus on self-care: Share your feelings and experiences with people who empathize (whether that’s close friends or community groups), take a day off from work, or focus on something positive that will build your spirits back up again.
Turn to your nanny agency: If you’re working through an agency, they may be able to offer additional support or guidelines, or help you navigate your current job situation to get you back on track
Stay prepared, not scared
No one should face racism in their workplace, and nannies are no exception. While it’s impossible to control the actions of strangers, you can take steps to keep yourself and the children in your care safe.
By remaining calm, documenting incidents if needed, communicating openly with parents, and seeking support, you lay the groundwork for resilience and confidence in the face of adversity.
About the Smart Sitting community groups
As a nanny agency, we are always working on how to make our network of caregivers feel supported and strengthened in their roles – and in their lives. We’ve started these community support groups and have a Community Coordinator on our team specifically to function as resources for our nannies and sitters.
This gives our community a chance to ask their questions, bring up tricky situations they’ve encountered on the job, or just to have fun together in a profession that can otherwise feel quite solitary. If you are an experienced, engaging nanny or babysitter looking for a new job, consider joining our community, and let us support you on every step of your journey.