Navigating family, conflicts and the holiday season - a primer for parents
The holiday season, often filled with joy and togetherness, can also bring about family conflicts, especially when relatives with differing views and approaches come together. As a parent, it can be hard to know when to shield your kiddo from the drama and how to leave them with happy memories of the season.
While there is no one size fits all solution to bring harmony back to the holiday home, a few key tricks might at least soften the situation. Here are a few strategies to navigate these sometimes turbulent waters, giving you and your family a good chance at a peaceful and enjoyable holiday season for everyone involved.
When family relations are strained
Communication is key
Open communication is essential when dealing with family conflicts, especially around the holiday season. It's important to have conversations with family members about any potential issues beforehand and try to agree on an approach that will work for everyone.
Discuss with your spouse or partner about how you plan to handle situations, ensuring that you present a united front when addressing concerns with relatives. Often, a partner can be your best chance at keeping calm and carrying on or a buffer to diffuse tension.
Setting Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries can help manage expectations and avoid conflicts. Be clear about which behaviors are acceptable and which ones aren't.
This may be easier said than done, with family dynamics that stretch back generations. You may need to take stock and consider which family members you do or do not want to see this holiday season – or maybe see them separately in smaller “doses”.
House rules
We all know the classic traps like politics that can cause heated arguments before the turkey’s even out of the oven. Consider creating house rules for the holidays that everyone is on board with. No politics, no swearing, or no watching the news might be ways to keep the peace (and don’t get us started on rooting for different sports teams).
Put your kiddos first
It can be hard to put your own needs first, especially if you’ve grown up with challenging family dynamics which have spilled over into adulthood. For some parents, thinking of how setting boundaries or setting up the holiday in a positive way can give their children a better, more positive experience is easier than trying to do it for themselves.
Educate and Prepare Your Children
If your kids are older, you might be able to prepare them for the different dynamics they might encounter. Teach them respectful ways to respond or deflect negative comments or explain that people may express themselves differently. Some relatives might use words or make jokes that are inappropriate or contrary to your family's values.
You may need to explain to your kids what’s going on. Encourage open communication, allowing your children to share their concerns or experiences with you, ensuring they feel supported and understood.
Conflicts can arise despite the best intentions
Be your kid's best role model
Even in extended families who get along, the added stress and pressure of the holidays can create conflict. Take this opportunity to be a good role model for your kids. Show them how you try to communicate your way out of conflict, take a deep breath, and focus on the idea that everyone has gathered to have a good time and share the season with their loved ones. It can be hard, especially with overbearing parents or age-old sibling rivalries that seem to reignite at the drop of a hat, but the lifelong lesson itself may make it worth it.
Acknowledge the stress - and try to work around it
A lot of holiday stress and conflicts are rooted in the high bar we set for a magical time together. Everyone wants their favorite meal, the house has to look perfect, the presents have to be spot on, and everybody has to love each other like a Hallmark movie.
When real life gets in the way and we don’t reach perfection, dissatisfaction brews and boils over, even though you were actually having a pretty lovely time. Try to set reasonable expectations and goals for the holidays and for your family. Accept that it may not turn out exactly how you planned, but if everyone is together and enjoying themselves, that may be better even than perfection.
It’s okay to have a back-up plan
It might be as simple as keeping a meditation app in your back pocket and letting the kids watch a movie while you step away to give yourself a breather.
If all else fails, have a backup plan in your back pocket.
It might be a planned diversion, like celebrating the holidays with friends or other people entirely.
It might be the ability to leave and go somewhere else if the situation gets too heated.
Or it might be as simple as keeping a meditation app in your back pocket and letting the kids watch a movie while you step away to give yourself a breather.
Having a backup plan such as celebrating with a different group of friends or family, or even taking a vacation during the holiday season could provide a much-needed respite from family conflicts.
And when you need a stellar, energetic, and decidedly non-family babysitter to come in and engage the kids in some fun activities, all you have to do is reach out to Smart Sitting. We have you covered, from happy holidays to mundane Mondays. Now that’s a backup plan worth keeping in your back pocket.