How to Talk to your Nanny: A Guide for Parents

by Dara Epstein

The Scene: You’ve made it through what I like to call, “Parent Weekdays,” or what was formerly known as “weekends.” You’ve made it through one day of Daylight Savings, or what I like to call, “going to sleep later and waking up earlier.” You love your kiddos so much and had a great weekend - probably - if you could remember it because maybe you have a 2-year-old and an infant and your memory is going just a little bit. You spend that extra daylight hour with the kiddos before your nanny arrives to work this Monday morning, and muster all the energy to be present for a whole extra hour. Finally, amazingly, it is 8:30 AM and you hear that most incredible sound of keys clanking at your door, some might say it’s akin to sleigh bells bringing some magic into your life. “Yesss!!!! She’s here!” You think joyously. You swoop up the 2-year-old and bounce over to your nanny (ahem, the children’s nanny, you keep having to remind yourself).

What Not To Do:

You: “Hi! The 2-year-old had a macro bar but is still hungry. Baby hasn’t pooped in a day, so that should hopefully happen today!”

Nanny: “Okay, got it. Thanks for the info! How was your weekend?”

You: “Oh. Ummm. I don’t know - good I think! Oh, right, this milk for the baby should be good for another half hour or so. Baby might still be a little hungry. I’m going to go grab the baby, be right back!”

You: Grab baby and hand her to her nanny.

You: “See ya later!”

What you should do:

You: You hear that clanking of keys. You desperately want to bounce up but you instead stay with the kiddos, keep feeding the baby milk so she has a full serving and play with the 2-year-old while you hear their nanny washing her hands, emptying the dishwasher, and grinding the coffee beans. After 10 minutes, bring the 2-year-old in and say, “Good morning! How was your weekend?” Now - this part is important - Listen.

Nanny: “Good morning! I had a nice weekend, thanks! I tried out a new farmer’s market which was nice. I got caught up on some home organization projects, which is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while. How was your weekend?”

You: “Oh, that sounds like a fun and productive weekend! Which farmer’s market did you try? Did you get anything interesting? We went to the farmer’s market this weekend too - the one we used to go to in our old neighborhood.”

Nanny: “So funny, I actually went to that one too! I like getting my weekly flowers from there. How are the kiddos doing? Any developments over the weekend or things that would be helpful for me to know?”

You: “Ah, yes. The 2-year-old has transitioned from a crib to a bed. It’s going well at night time and we’re still working through it at nap time. She sees her toys and they are distracting her, but she’s getting better every day. Baby is doing well and has been adjusting pretty well to the formula, however she hasn’t had a poo in 24 hours, so we’re keeping an eye on that. I’ll go grab her and bring her back now!”

You: Check on baby, change her diaper if needed, and bring her in and set her down in the swing, because you can see that her nanny is starting to make breakfast for the 2-year-old.

You: “FYI baby has a new diaper and just had a full meal, so she should be good for a little while!”

Nanny: “Thanks so much! See you later!”

In Closing: As parents, we are extremely giving with our time and energy to our children. It takes a toll on us and when we have someone who is there to offer support, the relief of having that support is so palpable and appreciated, that it can cloud our otherwise kind and courteous selves. We must remember to extend the same courtesy to others as we would appreciate extended to us. We must also remember that while we are in a personal, in-home environment, our role with our children’s nanny is that of employer. It is for most of us, a management position we were never trained for. Lastly, have you heard that [horribly pandering] adage, Happy Wife, Happy Life? Well here’s one for you: Happy Nanny, Happy Family!

Dara Epstein is a mom of two and when she’s not on family leave, she also serves as CEO of Smart Sitting, a nanny and babysitting agency based in nyc.