Navigating tricky conversations as a nanny

How to handle conflict with your nanny family

Tricky conversations are inevitable in nannying

When working as a nanny, you are in a close working relationship that ideally is full of love and appreciation. However, no matter how much love there is, conflicts will inevitably come up. At some point, you will have to have a tricky conversation with the parents you work for, and for many nannies this is a scary obstacle. 

Conversations may revolve around: 

  • Asking for time off

  • Responding to asks from the family that one is more or less comfortable with

  • Bringing up questions concerning the child’s behavior or development

  • Something uncomfortable that has come up during a shift

It may be tempting to avoid bringing up issues with parents, but worries or disagreements that start small will quickly snowball and begin to affect your working relationship. We spend so much of our time working, it’s not worth being unhappy so much of that time. 

Smart Sitting workshop about navigating conflict

Because these conversations are so common and in our continuing efforts to support nannies in our network, Smart Sitting’s co-owners Suzie and Dara recently held a workshop to help nannies figure out successful and positive approaches to these conversations. While acknowledging that conflict may initially cause us to react defensively, taking a step back and trying to ground the conversation in some positive, constructive points can be much more helpful for both sides. In sharing this summary of the workshop, we hope that nannies outside the Smart Sitting network can also find some guidance toward more positive collaboration with their nanny families. 

The Core Values

Smart Sitting’s foundation rests on our  five core values that influence everything we do, from our philosophies about nannying to our internal company culture. The five core values are that we are: 

  • Accountable

  • Adaptable

  • Supportive

  • Professional

  • Genuine

Using these five core values as a base also helps us approach tricky conversations in a way that makes it clear that we want to be on the same page as the person opposite us. The goal is always to figure out how we can get on the same side. 

Using the Core Values in conflicts

If you need to bring up a conflict of some sort to a parent, begin by looking to the core values (or any other value system you have set for yourself that may be helpful). In the example below, we are considering a nanny who has been asked to do a one-hour shift on Sundays. They originally said yes but  soon came to realize it took a lot of time in transit for one hour of pay, as well as blocking the Sunday for any full time activities of their own. 

  • Accountable. Make the situation clear and that you understand your role in it.
    Example: “I understand we agreed on my taking on a one-hour shift on Sundays, but as I’ve thought about the implications, I’m not able to follow through so I’d like to talk about it…”

  • Supportive: Show the family that you are not simply looking to state your side of things and move on but want to figure out a solution that will also be helpful to them.
    Example: “Knowing that you need the weekend coverage, I’d like to discuss a solution that also helps you.”

  • Adaptable. Show a flexibility, whether that is meeting halfway or figuring out another solution entirely that works for both parties.
    Example: Maintain the internal thought that it’s not that you are entirely unwilling, it’s that you need to find a way that is supportive while also remaining true to yourself or that compensates in a way that makes you feel good about helping with the ask. In this case, maybe suggest a few other tasks you could take on that would expand the shift and make it feel more worthwhile to you. 

  • Genuine. Come to any conversation from a place of genuinely wanting the best outcome. If this is a family or a working relationship you really like, chances are they really like you too. Be genuine about what you need to bring up and why you need to talk about it. Be honest if something has happened that makes you feel uncomfortable or worried. This will give you a better chance to reach a genuine resolution and a positive path forward. 

  • Professional. At the end of the day, this family is your place of work. Don’t yell at the parents or storm out of the room. Keep your emotions in check, even if they have a less than ideal reaction. Maybe you’ve brought up concerns about their child’s behavior or development, and that can be really hard for parents to hear. Maybe their reactions show you that this working relationship doesn’t, in fact, work, but you don’t have to be a part of the reason why. 

Other must-dos when it comes to having tough conversations with parents:

  1. Always have the conversations in person, not via text or email. Ideally schedule a time beforehand so that both parties know a conversation is upcoming, and it can be free from distraction. 

  2. Always go into the conversation with curiosity and openness

  3. Avoid assuming the worst from the get go

Are you looking for more support in your nanny role?

At Smart Sitting nanny agency, we don’t just help you find your next great job, with families and jobs that fulfill your ideal situation. We are a network that supports nannies and helps them grow in their professional role. With dedicated (real, live!) team members who can answer your questions about job roles or conflicts as well as help guide you to just the right job, regular workshops and meetups where nannies can connect and get advice, and the conviction that nannying is a sincere, serious, and essential profession, our aim is to look after you as well as you look after the kiddos in your charge. 

Do you have the experience, dedication, and that special something that makes you an extraordinary nanny? Apply to Smart Sitting today and join our community! We can’t wait to hear from you.

Ps. For more advice about building your best nanny career, sign up for our newsletter!

Cajsa Landin