Navigating Parenthood Without a Village
Where is this village everyone’s been talking about?
It takes a village to raise a child
We’ve all heard the saying. It takes a village to raise a child. It’s a beautiful sentiment, full of support, community, and love for this little being you have brought into the world. What a harsh comedown it can be then, when the village doesn’t automatically appear as you come home from the hospital.
For many, the “village” means support from family members. Grandparents stepping in to pick up kids from preschool so that you can finish your work day guilt free, aunts and uncles who take the kiddos on a Saturday so that you can get a breather or a date night. However, the reality is that more and more people are living far from their family members and relatives, so that they only come in now and then for a visit.
Where, then, is this village to be found?
Understanding the challenge
The modern parenting dilemma
In today's mobile and often transient world, many parents find themselves physically far from family. Your job may keep you in a large city without family support, but also with the feeling that there isn’t a suitable replacement. Do you even know your neighbors if you need a cup of sugar? The absence of relatives can feel isolating when you become a parent, in a way that you may not have thought about at all before you had kids.
Acknowledging the struggle
It's essential to recognize that feeling overwhelmed is a natural part of parenting when you don’t have close family support. It may look like everyone else has it together – especially if you are prone to peering at your phone to see the Perfect Parents of Instagram (heads-up, nobody’s perfect and they’re struggling just as much as you are!).
Acknowledging this can help you deal with the situation head on and spur you to seek out the support you need. Because that’s step one in raising your child with a village: you have to go out and build it first.
Creating Your support network as a parent
Not having a built-in support network in the form of grandparents or other family members is hard. It does not mean there is no support network to be had. Here are four places where you can build connection and find support.
Online parenting forums and social media
Digital communities can provide significant support. Facebook groups or parenting platforms let parents connect, share experiences, and offer each other advice and support.Local parenting groups
Joining local groups or attending community events can help you meet other parents in similar situations. This can be an excellent way for both parents and children to make new friends and find support.Classes or library events
Engaging in local activities can also be a great way to meet other families. Classes not only help your child develop new skills but also allow you to connect with other parents. This is a great way for your kiddo to make friends – and playdates mean you might get an afternoon off or help with school pick-up.Childcare Co-ops
Some communities have systems where parents take turns caring for each other's children, providing a break for parents without the cost of professional childcare.
Building a community requires active participation
While you might feel like the bags under your eyes are screaming “Help me!”, you may look to the rest of the world like you have it all figured out.
Remember, you get out of it what you put in. If you offer to help out by caring for someone else’s kid or by supporting a family, you are more likely to get similar support in return. And it might feel like a challenge, especially if you are an introvert yourself or a new parent struggling to even put clothes on in the morning, but you do have to make an effort to build this community.
Sometimes it’s enough to just start showing up regularly to playgrounds or classes, sometimes you’ll need to ask for what you need. While you might feel like the bags under your eyes are screaming “Help me!”, you may look to the rest of the world like you have it all figured out.
Letting a nanny be a part of your village
For many parents, a professional nanny becomes the extended village they were hoping for. A nanny can do more than just watch your children; they can become an integral part of your family’s support system.
Emotional and Practical Support
A dedicated nanny can help lessen the feeling of isolation by being there for both you and your children during the workday. They help you raise your kids, arrange playdates, get to know other families in the community, and lighten your load.Flexibility and Stability
A nanny can offer consistent care, allowing you to manage your time better and providing stability for your children. And let’s face it, even grandparents can be highly unreliable when they have something fun going on in their own lives.
Let us help
While it may take some effort to build and maintain, creating your own village is not only possible but also rewarding. As a nanny agency based in large cities like New York, we have seen time and time again how reliable childcare in combination with fun and supportive organizations on a neighborhood level can strengthen a parent’s village and create a nurturing place for children to blossom.
Do you need help finding the right nanny or babysitters for your village? Smart Sitting has your back, with hand-picked matches that find the childcare professional that is right for you. Reach out to us today and let your own Family Specialist get to know you and the village you hope to build.
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