Nannying for a Family with a Different Approach to Parenting
Help, we have totally different styles in raising kiddos!
As a nanny, adapting to the unique dynamics of each family you work for is crucial. You may already have worked with lots of different families who all have their unique spin on what works for their family.
Sometimes, however, we as nannies run into situations where the family’s parenting style – or just lifestyle – is at odds with how we like to spend our days with kids. You might even feel like the parent comes in and makes a mess of the great system you’ve set up for yourself and their kiddos.
As a long-time nanny agency, we’ve seen it all. We also know that all parents want what is best for themselves and their kiddos. To help you navigate tricky jobs where your ideals don’t line up, we’ve gathered these tips on how to approach situations where your personal views or routines differ significantly from those of the parents you work for.
Respect is step one
Respect the rules. As a nanny, your primary role is to respect the parenting approach and routines set by the family. Remember, while you are an integral part of the child's life, the parents are your employers, and the parents' wishes take precedence in decision-making regarding their children.
Stay professional. Always approach differences professionally. If you have concerns about certain practices based on your experience or professional knowledge, frame these concerns respectfully and constructively. Never criticize the parents' methods outright.
Can you implement your own routines?
For some nannies, what parents do “on their own time” is fine, so long as the nanny can structure their work day in a way that suits them. In a lot of cases, this actually works fine, and children can differentiate between the routines and rules of weekdays when Nanny is here and evenings/weekends when mom or dad are in charge. However, two things to keep in mind:
Align with family expectations: While you can suggest routines that might benefit the child—like organizing playtime or educational activities, a certain food or nap schedule, etc. —the key is to ensure these align with the family’s values and schedules. It's important to discuss and get approval for any significant changes you think could help.
Flexibility is key: Adaptability is a valuable trait for a nanny. Being flexible and able to blend your professional expertise with the family's preferences will make you a more effective and appreciated caregiver.
Dealing with disagreements over parenting styles
You may find that you really disagree with a parent’s parenting style. We’ve set it a thousand times, but we never get sick of it so we’ll say it again, the solution is always communication, communication, communication.
When disagreements arise, address them through open and honest communication. Discuss your perspectives and concerns with the parents calmly and diplomatically. Provide reasons and possibly suggest alternatives that might bridge the gap between your styles.
Sometimes, parents might appreciate learning about different approaches, especially if you can present evidence or examples of positive outcomes from your methods. However, always ensure that this is done thoughtfully and without implying that their methods are inferior. Wait until they ask for input or for ideas about solutions from you.
It’s also helpful to have a working relationship built on trust and appreciation. Show that you are reliable and consistent in following the agreed-upon approaches. This builds trust and may open up opportunities for you to integrate more of your own ideas into the family's routine.
Check before you start
If the differences in how you and a family approach questions of childcare are very big, it’ll probably be apparent before you even start. As early as the interview, you can ask the family questions about what’s important to them or what rules they set for their kiddos.
Before accepting an offered position, consider what practices or situations you are willing to adapt to and where you draw the line. If a family’s lifestyle or parenting style is in direct conflict with your professional ethics or personal values, it might be best to politely decline the offer.*
* Working with a selective nanny agency can help you avoid even applying to positions that won’t be a fit for you. See more below!
Seek Professional Advice
Being a nanny can feel quite isolated, especially when big questions like this come up. If you are struggling to adapt or not sure how to approach it with a family, it helps to be a part of a nanny network. If you work through a nanny agency, contact them. Otherwise, turn to Facebook groups or other forums for nannies to seek and offer advice.
If you are a Smartsitter, you can always turn to your dedicated team member with questions. You can also attend our twice-weekly support group Zoom meetings with our community coordinators. Here you’ll get both professional guidance and support from your fellow Smartsitters.
And if you’re not already a SmartSitter, but you are a dedicated, experienced, and passionate nanny looking for a babysitting or nanny job, apply today! We have a rigorous application process, all to make sure that we can devote more time to top nannies and match them with their ideal positions and families – and help you navigate questions like these with ease.
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